the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
