just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
