I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
