She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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