Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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