Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
