my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
