Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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