You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
