This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
