Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
