we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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