Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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