Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
