nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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