hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
