This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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