My nipple is on Facebook.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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