peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
