He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
