i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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