You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
