You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
