Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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