Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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