So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
