we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
