chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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