They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
