i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
