She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
