Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
