So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
