Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
