Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
