Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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