Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
