i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
