Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
