I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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