if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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