I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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