happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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