he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
