you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
