that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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