absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
