Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
