i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
