mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
