i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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