I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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