Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
