Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
